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Don’t do your best, do my best.

Adam Carolla

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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
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Adam Corrolla
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It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.
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That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?
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It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a challenge.
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I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.
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I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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My motto is more mystery, less history.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.
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