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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

Adam Carolla

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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Giving
Fake
None
Type
Humor
Funny
Two
Give
Orgasms
Women
Types

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When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.
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I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.
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Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!
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You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can't afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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