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Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

Adam Carolla

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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Usually
Pretty
Maybe
Funny
Good
Delusional
Batting
Average

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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.
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If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.
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You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.
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Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.
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All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
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I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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