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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

Adam Carolla

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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Take
Naps
Figure
Figures

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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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My motto is more mystery, less history.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.
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I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.
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Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money - do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'
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