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I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
Adam Carolla
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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Like
Whatever
Tea
World
Understand
Soft
Makes
Soccer
Look
Coffee
Looks
Everywhere
Way
Biggest
Think
Telling
Pussies
Thinking
Drink
Pussy
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It's something I've always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
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I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.
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Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.
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Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show.
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The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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I'm a comedian, not a politician.
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There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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