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I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
Adam Carolla
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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Think
Telling
Pussies
Thinking
Drink
Pussy
Like
Whatever
Tea
World
Understand
Soft
Makes
Soccer
Look
Coffee
Looks
Everywhere
Way
Biggest
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
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We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians I'm just not a reader.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.
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Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.
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I'm a comedian, not a politician.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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