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I am not a good cue card reader.

Adam Carolla

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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Cards
Reader
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More quotes by Adam Carolla

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I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can't afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.
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The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing.
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I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.
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Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I'm not sure why.
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It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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The truth is we're all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else's book. We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
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No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians I'm just not a reader.
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