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I am not a good cue card reader.

Adam Carolla

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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Card
Cards
Reader
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More quotes by Adam Carolla

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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss not having that person.
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I've always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel... lets focus on making a buck.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.
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I don't know anything about computers.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it's not a great way to go.
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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I'm not sure why.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.
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You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.
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If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.
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