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If you are looking for a kindly, well-to-do older gentleman who is no longer interested in sex, take out an ad in The Wall Street Journal.

Abigail Van Buren

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Abigail Van Buren
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More quotes by Abigail Van Buren

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The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back.
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Many husbands today pitch in to help with household chores - it's called partnership.
Abigail Van Buren
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In Biblical times, a man could have as many wives as he could afford. Just like today.
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Never give a golfer an ultimatum unless you're prepared to lose.
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Accept every blind date you can get, even with a girl who wears jeans. Maybe you can talk her out of them.
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If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd all be millionaires.
Abigail Van Buren
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O, heavenly Father: we thank thee for food and remember the hungry. We thank thee for health and remember the sick. We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless. We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved. May these remembrances stir us to service, That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.
Abigail Van Buren
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It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can't speak for my twin sister.
Abigail Van Buren
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Psychotherapy, unlike castor oil, which will work no matter how you get it down, is useless when forced on an uncooperative patient.
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How should they answer?
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Kissing power is stronger than will power.
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It's true, some wine improves with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.
Abigail Van Buren
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You could move.' ---Dear Abby responds to a reader who complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood.
Abigail Van Buren
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Religion, like water, may be free, but when they pipe it to you, you've got to help pay for the piping. And the piper.
Abigail Van Buren
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True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance.
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Love is what enables us to bridge the gap of disappointment when others don't live up to the expectations we have of them.
Abigail Van Buren
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It is totally unconscionable to subject defenseless animals to mutilation and death, just so a company can be the first to market a new shade of nail polish or a new, improved laundry detergent. It's cruel, it's brutal, it's inhumane, and most people don't want it.
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You are what you are when nobody is looking.
Abigail Van Buren
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People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.
Abigail Van Buren
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While forbidden fruit is said to taste sweeter, it usually spoils faster.
Abigail Van Buren