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If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.

A. P. Herbert

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A. P. Herbert
Age: 81 †
Born: 1890
Born: September 24
Died: 1971
Died: November 11
Barrister
Novelist
Politician
Writer
Ashtead
Surrey
Alan Patrick Herbert
AP Herbert
APH
Alan P. Herbert
Sir Alan Patrick Herbert
Upon
Ghastly
Science
Hush
Earth
Discovery
Anything
Unless
Would
Nobody
Life
Learning
Knew
Talking
Descend

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An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
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For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin.
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The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.
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Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain. Fancy giving money to the Government! Nobody will see the stuff again. Well, they've not idea what money's for- Ten to one they'll start another war. I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'! Fancy giving money to the Government!
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aven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps but the lungs are fine.
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Greenfly, it's difficult to see Why God, who made the rose, made thee.
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Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.
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As my poor father used to say In 1963, Once people start on all this Art Goodbye, moralitee! And what my father used to say Is good enough for me.
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The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity Are constructed with considerable care.
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This high official, all allow, is grossly overpaid there wasn't any Board, and now there isn't any Trade.
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Let's stop somebody from doing something! Everybody does too much.
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Justice should be cheap but judges expensive.
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Harriet, Hi! Light of my eye! Come to the pictures and have a good cry, For it's jolly old Saturday, Mad-as-a-hatter-day, Nothing-much-matter-day-night!
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A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has been proved to be wrong is a man of principle while he who from time to time adapts his opinions to the changing circumstances of life is an opportunist.
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Don't let's go to the dogs tonight, For mother will be there.
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A dull speaker, like a plain woman, is credited with all the virtues, for we charitably suppose that a surface so unattractive must be compensated by interior blessings.
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A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.
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The essence of humour is surprise that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.
A. P. Herbert
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An act of God was defined as something which no reasonable man could have expected.
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The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
A. P. Herbert