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An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
A. P. Herbert
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A. P. Herbert
Age: 81 †
Born: 1890
Born: September 24
Died: 1971
Died: November 11
Barrister
Novelist
Politician
Writer
Ashtead
Surrey
Alan Patrick Herbert
AP Herbert
APH
Alan P. Herbert
Sir Alan Patrick Herbert
Never
Englishman
Enjoys
Englishmen
Humorous
Noble
Except
Purpose
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More quotes by A. P. Herbert
The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity Are constructed with considerable care.
A. P. Herbert
Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain.
A. P. Herbert
There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.
A. P. Herbert
The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.
A. P. Herbert
My ball is in a bunch of fern, A jolly place to be An angry man is close astern- He waves his club at me. Well, let him wave-the sky is blue Go on, old ball, we are but two-We may be down in three, Or nine-or ten-or twenty-five-It matters not to be alive, Is good enough for me.
A. P. Herbert
aven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps but the lungs are fine.
A. P. Herbert
Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain. Fancy giving money to the Government! Nobody will see the stuff again. Well, they've not idea what money's for- Ten to one they'll start another war. I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'! Fancy giving money to the Government!
A. P. Herbert
The essence of humour is surprise that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.
A. P. Herbert
People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.
A. P. Herbert
Citizens who take it upon themselves to do unusual actions which attract the attention of the police should be careful to bring these actions into one of the recognized categories of crimes and offences, for it is intolerable that the police should be put to the pains of inventing reasons for finding them undesirable.
A. P. Herbert
If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.
A. P. Herbert
A dull speaker, like a plain woman, is credited with all the virtues, for we charitably suppose that a surface so unattractive must be compensated by interior blessings.
A. P. Herbert
The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
A. P. Herbert
Let's find out what everyone is doing, And then stop everyone from doing it.
A. P. Herbert
Greenfly, it's difficult to see Why God, who made the rose, made thee.
A. P. Herbert
Harriet, Hi! Light of my eye! Come to the pictures and have a good cry, For it's jolly old Saturday, Mad-as-a-hatter-day, Nothing-much-matter-day-night!
A. P. Herbert
The whole Constitution has been erected upon the assumption that the King not only is capable of doing wrong but is more likely to do wrong than other men if he is given the chance.
A. P. Herbert
The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.
A. P. Herbert
Let's stop somebody from doing something! Everybody does too much.
A. P. Herbert
Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.
A. P. Herbert
