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An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
A. P. Herbert
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A. P. Herbert
Age: 81 †
Born: 1890
Born: September 24
Died: 1971
Died: November 11
Barrister
Novelist
Politician
Writer
Ashtead
Surrey
Alan Patrick Herbert
AP Herbert
APH
Alan P. Herbert
Sir Alan Patrick Herbert
Except
Purpose
Enjoy
Never
Englishman
Enjoys
Englishmen
Humorous
Noble
More quotes by A. P. Herbert
The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity Are constructed with considerable care.
A. P. Herbert
Let's find out what everyone is doing, And then stop everyone from doing it.
A. P. Herbert
Don't let's go to the dogs tonight, For mother will be there.
A. P. Herbert
As my poor father used to say In 1963, Once people start on all this Art Goodbye, moralitee! And what my father used to say Is good enough for me.
A. P. Herbert
A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.
A. P. Herbert
Citizens who take it upon themselves to do unusual actions which attract the attention of the police should be careful to bring these actions into one of the recognized categories of crimes and offences, for it is intolerable that the police should be put to the pains of inventing reasons for finding them undesirable.
A. P. Herbert
My ball is in a bunch of fern, A jolly place to be An angry man is close astern- He waves his club at me. Well, let him wave-the sky is blue Go on, old ball, we are but two-We may be down in three, Or nine-or ten-or twenty-five-It matters not to be alive, Is good enough for me.
A. P. Herbert
Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain.
A. P. Herbert
There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.
A. P. Herbert
People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.
A. P. Herbert
aven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps but the lungs are fine.
A. P. Herbert
Justice should be cheap but judges expensive.
A. P. Herbert
Harriet, Hi! Light of my eye! Come to the pictures and have a good cry, For it's jolly old Saturday, Mad-as-a-hatter-day, Nothing-much-matter-day-night!
A. P. Herbert
The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
A. P. Herbert
Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain. Fancy giving money to the Government! Nobody will see the stuff again. Well, they've not idea what money's for- Ten to one they'll start another war. I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'! Fancy giving money to the Government!
A. P. Herbert
This high official, all allow, is grossly overpaid there wasn't any Board, and now there isn't any Trade.
A. P. Herbert
The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.
A. P. Herbert
For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin.
A. P. Herbert
An act of God was defined as something which no reasonable man could have expected.
A. P. Herbert
A dull speaker, like a plain woman, is credited with all the virtues, for we charitably suppose that a surface so unattractive must be compensated by interior blessings.
A. P. Herbert
