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Let's find out what everyone is doing, And then stop everyone from doing it.

A. P. Herbert

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A. P. Herbert
Age: 81 †
Born: 1890
Born: September 24
Died: 1971
Died: November 11
Barrister
Novelist
Politician
Writer
Ashtead
Surrey
Alan Patrick Herbert
AP Herbert
APH
Alan P. Herbert
Sir Alan Patrick Herbert
Find
Luck
Stop
Everyone

More quotes by A. P. Herbert

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There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.
A. P. Herbert
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Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain. Fancy giving money to the Government! Nobody will see the stuff again. Well, they've not idea what money's for- Ten to one they'll start another war. I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'! Fancy giving money to the Government!
A. P. Herbert
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The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity Are constructed with considerable care.
A. P. Herbert
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The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.
A. P. Herbert
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Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.
A. P. Herbert
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For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin.
A. P. Herbert
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As my poor father used to say In 1963, Once people start on all this Art Goodbye, moralitee! And what my father used to say Is good enough for me.
A. P. Herbert
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Harriet, Hi! Light of my eye! Come to the pictures and have a good cry, For it's jolly old Saturday, Mad-as-a-hatter-day, Nothing-much-matter-day-night!
A. P. Herbert
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If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.
A. P. Herbert
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Greenfly, it's difficult to see Why God, who made the rose, made thee.
A. P. Herbert
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An act of God was defined as something which no reasonable man could have expected.
A. P. Herbert
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A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has been proved to be wrong is a man of principle while he who from time to time adapts his opinions to the changing circumstances of life is an opportunist.
A. P. Herbert
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The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.
A. P. Herbert
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The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
A. P. Herbert
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This high official, all allow, is grossly overpaid there wasn't any Board, and now there isn't any Trade.
A. P. Herbert
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My ball is in a bunch of fern, A jolly place to be An angry man is close astern- He waves his club at me. Well, let him wave-the sky is blue Go on, old ball, we are but two-We may be down in three, Or nine-or ten-or twenty-five-It matters not to be alive, Is good enough for me.
A. P. Herbert
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The essence of humour is surprise that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.
A. P. Herbert
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aven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps but the lungs are fine.
A. P. Herbert
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A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.
A. P. Herbert
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An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
A. P. Herbert