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As my poor father used to say In 1963, Once people start on all this Art Goodbye, moralitee! And what my father used to say Is good enough for me.

A. P. Herbert

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A. P. Herbert
Age: 81 †
Born: 1890
Born: September 24
Died: 1971
Died: November 11
Barrister
Novelist
Politician
Writer
Ashtead
Surrey
Alan Patrick Herbert
AP Herbert
APH
Alan P. Herbert
Sir Alan Patrick Herbert
Father
Art
Used
Enough
Good
People
Goodbye
Start
Poor

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If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.
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The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity Are constructed with considerable care.
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For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin.
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An act of God was defined as something which no reasonable man could have expected.
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There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.
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The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
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This high official, all allow, is grossly overpaid there wasn't any Board, and now there isn't any Trade.
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Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.
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aven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps but the lungs are fine.
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The whole Constitution has been erected upon the assumption that the King not only is capable of doing wrong but is more likely to do wrong than other men if he is given the chance.
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Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain. Fancy giving money to the Government! Nobody will see the stuff again. Well, they've not idea what money's for- Ten to one they'll start another war. I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'! Fancy giving money to the Government!
A. P. Herbert
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People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.
A. P. Herbert
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Justice should be cheap but judges expensive.
A. P. Herbert
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My ball is in a bunch of fern, A jolly place to be An angry man is close astern- He waves his club at me. Well, let him wave-the sky is blue Go on, old ball, we are but two-We may be down in three, Or nine-or ten-or twenty-five-It matters not to be alive, Is good enough for me.
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The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.
A. P. Herbert
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Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain.
A. P. Herbert
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The essence of humour is surprise that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.
A. P. Herbert
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A dull speaker, like a plain woman, is credited with all the virtues, for we charitably suppose that a surface so unattractive must be compensated by interior blessings.
A. P. Herbert
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A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has been proved to be wrong is a man of principle while he who from time to time adapts his opinions to the changing circumstances of life is an opportunist.
A. P. Herbert
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An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
A. P. Herbert