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aven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps but the lungs are fine.

A. P. Herbert

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A. P. Herbert
Age: 81 †
Born: 1890
Born: September 24
Died: 1971
Died: November 11
Barrister
Novelist
Politician
Writer
Ashtead
Surrey
Alan Patrick Herbert
AP Herbert
APH
Alan P. Herbert
Sir Alan Patrick Herbert
Different
Rude
Men
Smoking
Fit
Perhaps
Irritable
Fine
Homicidal
Given
Moody
Feel
Lungs
Feels
Depressed

More quotes by A. P. Herbert

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Don't let's go to the dogs tonight, For mother will be there.
A. P. Herbert
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Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.
A. P. Herbert
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A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has been proved to be wrong is a man of principle while he who from time to time adapts his opinions to the changing circumstances of life is an opportunist.
A. P. Herbert
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An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
A. P. Herbert
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Citizens who take it upon themselves to do unusual actions which attract the attention of the police should be careful to bring these actions into one of the recognized categories of crimes and offences, for it is intolerable that the police should be put to the pains of inventing reasons for finding them undesirable.
A. P. Herbert
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My ball is in a bunch of fern, A jolly place to be An angry man is close astern- He waves his club at me. Well, let him wave-the sky is blue Go on, old ball, we are but two-We may be down in three, Or nine-or ten-or twenty-five-It matters not to be alive, Is good enough for me.
A. P. Herbert
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There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.
A. P. Herbert
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An act of God was defined as something which no reasonable man could have expected.
A. P. Herbert
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If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.
A. P. Herbert
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Harriet, Hi! Light of my eye! Come to the pictures and have a good cry, For it's jolly old Saturday, Mad-as-a-hatter-day, Nothing-much-matter-day-night!
A. P. Herbert
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People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.
A. P. Herbert
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A dull speaker, like a plain woman, is credited with all the virtues, for we charitably suppose that a surface so unattractive must be compensated by interior blessings.
A. P. Herbert
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Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain. Fancy giving money to the Government! Nobody will see the stuff again. Well, they've not idea what money's for- Ten to one they'll start another war. I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'! Fancy giving money to the Government!
A. P. Herbert
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For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin.
A. P. Herbert
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The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.
A. P. Herbert
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The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
A. P. Herbert
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A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.
A. P. Herbert
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The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity Are constructed with considerable care.
A. P. Herbert
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The essence of humour is surprise that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.
A. P. Herbert
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Let's find out what everyone is doing, And then stop everyone from doing it.
A. P. Herbert